I HAVE BRAIN IN MY STUPID HEAD

I have my own way to do things i really like and people never really understand about it. I see things different while the others see the same. I rather stay in silence when they’re blowing off someone else’s steam. I don’t talk a lot about my life, when the others make it for public consumption. When they’re making fun of it, i rather don’t. I listen to their stories, secret mind, hidden agenda, rumors, mocking, screaming, and everything become blur. All at once their popping inside my head until i cannot take it anymore.

I set myself free, well i wish i could. What if i set my self free? Am i gonna be someone lonely? Is there someone out there will care about me? It’s sad, i know that. It’s like there’s a warning sign in my forehead telling me i cannot set my self free. I can’t do everything that i really like. I missed my self being someone sane, someone picture the world without hurt, someone innocent.

I missed the good part in life, i ran away and i passed it by through silence. I made bad decisions, said stupid things,and made some bad friends. I missed the point in life when i regret something i have done. But the truth is there’s a hole in my heart full of regrets. I’m sorry, i’m so sorry for that day, the first day when i met you, the next day when you brought me far to dark and leave me lonely in silence. I regret that day.

Apr 22

hugs for you and never let go. she’s in a better place. you can cry for a while but there’s life ahead awaiting for you to smile :)

Apr 15

“I had a rosy dream. You gave up on you and i gave up on me.” — STALL ME ~ P!ATD

“Everything i do is bittersweet, you could tell me secrets that i’ll probably repeat. I’m not trying to hurt you, i just love to speak. It feels like we’re pulling teeth. So bittersweet” — “BITTERSWEET” P!ATD

Apr 08

Mar 17

Dance with my father

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

My iTunes shuffled this song last night when i was just about to sleep. I closed my eyes and listen every word on it. I started crying though i still have dad and mom. Every time i hear the song i cry, every time..

Every word in this song was true for me. My dad always make me laugh when i put a fight with my mom. He always do his best to give everything that i ask but i haven’t return him the same way. I could never ever imagine if he gone from me forever and i still cannot do my best for him. He’s turning 60 this may and i still feel like a little girl. Maybe i always will in front of him.

I HAVE BRAIN IN MY STUPID HEAD

May 20

May 13

Apr 26

Don’t get me wrong

Apr 22

Apr 15

Apr 08

Mar 17

Dance with my father